The Stages of Procrastination

Those of you who have ever had homework (I mean real homework, not one measly worksheet that takes you ten minutes to complete) at some stage in your lives will be well-acquainted with my dear friend Procrastination. Having recently had a shitload of homework dumped on top of me and not a great deal of time to complete some of it, you’d think I’d be leaping on top of it and getting shit done as fast as I can, but no. Unfortunately, I all-too-often find myself corkscrewing down the dark tunnel that is procrastination.

It starts like this.

I get home from school, mentally exhausted. But in front of me, Homework Mountain looms, and I have been given the perilous task of conquering it.

This is where the procrastination starts. At first, it seems harmless: I decide to make myself a sandwich before getting stuck into my work, to give me the strength and energy I need to keep going until dinnertime.

With my stomach full of pb&j, I then make the silly but seemingly harmless decision to prioritize things that aren’t so important, like polishing my shoes, and pour all of my newfound energy into these tasks.

And this is about where everything starts to seriously derail. Having polished my shoes, done all the dishes, brought in all the washing and all sorts of other domestic chores, I finally make it to my laptop, with the intent of getting some work done. But on my way to opening MSWord, I decide to play just one game of solitaire to get my brain going.

Several consecutive losses later, and with the sky going dark outside my window, I decide I really need to do some actual work now.

I then sit there for a very long time, staring hopelessly at the cursor and feebly trying to will it to write my report for me, which uses up the last of my strength. This eventually causes me to snap.

Invariably, I end up like this, having done utterly no work at all.

Anemic?

Am I anemic? I don't know. All I know is that I am a) abnormally and persistently tired, and b) utterly without energy to do even the simplest tasks, such as tidying my desk, without an copious amounts of willpower and coffee, which c) seems to be momentarily cured whenever I eat steak. I've also developed allergies to a few things, such as prawns and brazilian bath lotion, which may or may not be related.


Tomorrow I am going to the doctor, where I will hopefully find out what the shit is going on with my body. 


You may be wondering: 'What does all of this have to do with Caterpillar Equals "n"?' or, 'Where are all the pictures?'


Those two questions can be summed up quite simply with the following illustration:

At first glance, this appears to be a drawing of a bald cripple holding a large tampon with a boxing glove and screaming in distress. But it was supposed to be a picture of myself polishing a shoe. Earlier today I had what I considered a hilarious idea for a blog post, but when I opened up MSPaint to get started on it, this was all I could muster. I kid you not. 


I hope to return to the world of being able to do stuff properly soon. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Lunch Leave

Last week, I started my last year of high school. Being in year thirteen comes with certain benefits, such as the privilege of leaving school during lunch time, or ‘taking lunch leave’. After four years of being locked within the school grounds from eight-thirty till three, my friends and I found the sudden removal of this restriction incredibly alluring, and couldn’t wait to taste our first sips of freedom.

When lunchtime came on the first day, we all went to the school office to sign out for lunch leave, and then in a most dignified way we rushed towards the school entrance. For me, the experience went as follows:

I doubt any of you will ever question my maturity, or whether I should actually be in my last year of high school, again.