The Stages of Procrastination

Those of you who have ever had homework (I mean real homework, not one measly worksheet that takes you ten minutes to complete) at some stage in your lives will be well-acquainted with my dear friend Procrastination. Having recently had a shitload of homework dumped on top of me and not a great deal of time to complete some of it, you’d think I’d be leaping on top of it and getting shit done as fast as I can, but no. Unfortunately, I all-too-often find myself corkscrewing down the dark tunnel that is procrastination.

It starts like this.

I get home from school, mentally exhausted. But in front of me, Homework Mountain looms, and I have been given the perilous task of conquering it.

This is where the procrastination starts. At first, it seems harmless: I decide to make myself a sandwich before getting stuck into my work, to give me the strength and energy I need to keep going until dinnertime.

With my stomach full of pb&j, I then make the silly but seemingly harmless decision to prioritize things that aren’t so important, like polishing my shoes, and pour all of my newfound energy into these tasks.

And this is about where everything starts to seriously derail. Having polished my shoes, done all the dishes, brought in all the washing and all sorts of other domestic chores, I finally make it to my laptop, with the intent of getting some work done. But on my way to opening MSWord, I decide to play just one game of solitaire to get my brain going.

Several consecutive losses later, and with the sky going dark outside my window, I decide I really need to do some actual work now.

I then sit there for a very long time, staring hopelessly at the cursor and feebly trying to will it to write my report for me, which uses up the last of my strength. This eventually causes me to snap.

Invariably, I end up like this, having done utterly no work at all.