Job Interview

The above is, sadly, not what I have been doing for the past four months - it's just a depiction of how I feel a job interview might go. If I indeed ever get to that stage. No, the way I've spent these last four blog post-less months is more along the lines of this:

The hard drive on my laptop actually did decide to fail about two months ago, and it took around a month for it to be repaired and sent back to me. The irony of it all was that it died on me just as I was opening MSPaint to start work on a new blog post. I still haven't restored all the files from the old drive, but at least it's back and running again. I have no idea when the next blog post will be up, given my workload and all, but I do hope it won't be far away.

The Stages of Procrastination

Those of you who have ever had homework (I mean real homework, not one measly worksheet that takes you ten minutes to complete) at some stage in your lives will be well-acquainted with my dear friend Procrastination. Having recently had a shitload of homework dumped on top of me and not a great deal of time to complete some of it, you’d think I’d be leaping on top of it and getting shit done as fast as I can, but no. Unfortunately, I all-too-often find myself corkscrewing down the dark tunnel that is procrastination.

It starts like this.

I get home from school, mentally exhausted. But in front of me, Homework Mountain looms, and I have been given the perilous task of conquering it.

This is where the procrastination starts. At first, it seems harmless: I decide to make myself a sandwich before getting stuck into my work, to give me the strength and energy I need to keep going until dinnertime.

With my stomach full of pb&j, I then make the silly but seemingly harmless decision to prioritize things that aren’t so important, like polishing my shoes, and pour all of my newfound energy into these tasks.

And this is about where everything starts to seriously derail. Having polished my shoes, done all the dishes, brought in all the washing and all sorts of other domestic chores, I finally make it to my laptop, with the intent of getting some work done. But on my way to opening MSWord, I decide to play just one game of solitaire to get my brain going.

Several consecutive losses later, and with the sky going dark outside my window, I decide I really need to do some actual work now.

I then sit there for a very long time, staring hopelessly at the cursor and feebly trying to will it to write my report for me, which uses up the last of my strength. This eventually causes me to snap.

Invariably, I end up like this, having done utterly no work at all.

Reasons One Doesn’t Need Drugs or Alcohol: Reason #57

I have always stood by my conviction that drugs and alcohol are nothing but bad news, and today I am here to appeal to those of you who enjoy making yourselves stupid and fucking with your mental functions to give up the drink and/or drugs, for I have found a cheaper way to get that high you so love:

Exhaustion.

Now, I can proudly say that I have never been drunk or high, but from what I’ve seen/heard/read about it, people who suffer extreme exhaustion behave in remarkably similar ways to people who are off their faces. The other night, I found myself feeling so tired that both my body and mind were having difficulty functioning properly. I was stumbling around, unable to quite see straight, and banging into things. Typing and speech also became a bit of a struggle. Sound familiar? Let me expand, then, on the free, safe fun you can have with exhaustion.

For those of you drunkards out there, exhaustion will give you that familiar feeling of forgetting how gravity works/losing the battle against balance:

You will also experience an inability to formulate sentences correctly, and quite probably end up saying things that don’t quite make grammatical sense and will embarrass you no end once you’ve ‘sobered up’ in the morning, so to speak.

For those of you who enjoy the feeling of being stoned out of your mind, I can safely say that exhaustion will give you hours of fun sitting/standing and staring off blankly into space with only the faintest idea of what the fuck is going on and little to no ability to care:

Whatever your passion, exhaustion will provide you with a variety of fun experiences you would never be able to have while you were fully aware of yourself, your surroundings, and the basic facts of life:

For those of you who dig them ’shrooms, if you’re exhausted enough you will even experience hallucinations, free of charge! Now that’s what I call a good night out.

Nothing beats flying chicken drumsticks, am I right? I’m right, aren’t I? With that in mind, what are you waiting for? Try exhaustion today!